For a child to feel safe and sure of themselves,it is down to the time and help a parent gives them and teaches them to understand, you have to remember that children come into the world with a complete blank canvas, but learn at an extremley fast rate, they are like little sponges that take up every drop of information it is given, this is not filtered and can be the good, the bad, and the absolutely not…
A child does not feel sure of themselves simply because everything works out well for them, nor is knowing the right from wrong,they also have to know about their strengths and limitations. This is all the work of parents,
Reflect……………. learn how to wait after the tears and tantrum, to be able to put into action the correct answer or solution to the problem.
Iniciative………….. They need to be left to find the different alternatives . Parents need to be patient, the learning curve crossing from showing them and the errors they make can be time consuming.
Give the example. We cannot expect our children to find solutions in a calm manner if we react in the opposite way, crazy and not coherent.
Values…………… You have to be supportive when they make an achievement in any area, this will give them belief in themselves and they will see that they are capable of over coming future obstacles.
Emotions……….. If they are mad or in tantrum mode, you must explain to them that everyone has these emotions and sentiment but that they must learn to control this, just because the outcome is not what we wanted.
One of the first problems that children face, is that they are not always going to get what they want, by not showing our children this lesson is only posponing there happiness, it will make it more difficult for them to face any kind of problem and successfully resolve them. In the world that we live in today, most children have nearly everything they want, and in many homes they say what is watched on the television and the food they are going to eat. Children that are given everything they want, as to not have a scene or tantrum (at home or in public) are only producing a spoilt and consented child, a child that will have great difficulties and frustration in resolving difficulties they may face as they grow. When a child does not know how to channel these frustrations they will be unhappy, as a child and as an adult, they will never understand why they cannot have what they want, they will always blame others,or put it down to circumstances and a thousand other excuses. The only way to resolve this is to say NO, the sooner they understand and respect this word, the happier they will be, as they grow they will need to understand, that many things in life are going to be a no, if they have experienced this, just try to imagine how hard life is going to be for them, do you want this for your child, alot of the time we do not see the impact further down the line is going to be, we all want are children to be happy, but there has to be boundries, rules and regulation’s,they are happier for it. When a child has a structured life style knowing that the word NO exists they become far more capable of being a happy teenager and adult .
When a child is prone to tantrums “time out” is one of the best solutions, this also gives the child time to calm down, do not let them fool you with the tantrum, you will find once the lesson has been learnt, the shouting and screaming will soon stop, and each time will become easier, but you have to put time and effort into this,and never offer a prize for good behaviour or a way to calm a child down, this only gives them more power for the next tantrum,they have to learn that this behaviour will not get them what they want,we all want happy children, and the way you resolve there conflicts now will determine how happy and for long that will be, When you make it quite clear that a NO is a NO, with no prize or compromise, the batter for all, and never say No and five mins later say OK, this is sending out the worst of signals and giving permission for everything. Children do not love you less, because you say No, or give them a good social or academic education.
Brooke Universal Life & Relationship Coach