This is another section connected to my emails, which I feel is valid a post.
It is not uncommon to find children now, with 2 Mummy’s or 2 Daddies,and to them it is perfectly normal if handled in the right way by Mummy and Daddy. In fact, it is probably more difficult for the adult to come to terms with it, than the child (depending on the age of the child) Mummy and Daddy at times can feel resentment towards others that spend time with their children, there is a jealousy that can be difficult to come to terms with, this is probably a very normal reaction but, if considered from all parties from the beginning it can make the transition a little easier for all concerned, especially the children, ( I know I’m asking for a lot) I can hear you loud and clear, and I honestly do understand, but you have to remember that this situation is there because two adults have decided that they can no longer live together, the children do not make that decision and should be spared as much as possible not to suffer the natural human problems that comes with that. And I also know that at times it is not two adults,but one who decides they wish to change their life. This is devastating to anyone and can have many side effects, but it is our duty to put the children first, it’s when you have to be brave and confident for your children, you need to adapt as soon as possible, although some people never adapt, but the children must see that you do and can live without that other person. A depressed parent is the last thing a child should go through and witness,and don’t become another person that let’s all rules and regulations go through the window, for a quiet life or to be on par with the new Mummy or Daddy, that in the end, can damage children dreadfully. Try to keep a routine going for children, they need it, and don’t make the fatal mistake of letting them sleep with you …….because ? Don’t discuss it in front of them with friends or family, children are very clever, and will use it against you at the first opportunity if they think they can achieve something that would normally be a no no…….they pick up on everything, they don’t do this with malice, beware you have been warned, but they are also excellent at adapting to new situations, much better than adults,they nearly all have little oscar winners in them and know how to get what they want.
The next problem that can arise is when a new person is a permanent fixture within the home, this is when at times, the real fun and games can start, It has to be discussed the rules and regulations regarding the children and the boundaries set for them, in many cases, children will play the adults of one against the other, even when the children maybe have no contact with the Mummy or Daddy in the original family unit, if you have a situation where the adults do not support each other, it is a disaster waiting to happen, when children automatically run to the original parent for cover, and they do not support the other,when a child is being chastised both acting parents should be as one, if this is not dealt with, the child will eventually split your new union apart. A parent who covers their children are making life very difficult for themselves and especially for the child, in the original surroundings this would not happen, these kind of children will have problems outside of the home also, in school and general socializing, they will become selfish and think it normal to always have their own way, whether it be at home school or wherever, they will be known as problematic, this is not a label you would want your child to have, as unfortunately a label can stay for life, I am not saying this is right but the child will suffer, for your weakness, again this is a subject that should not be discussed in front of the child/ren. Children with this tendency will also find accepting any future children very difficult, as they can become deceitful in their ways, they learn how to manipulate the weaker adult, and would do the same with a new addition to the family. As you can see this is a delicate situation, and can create many problems, however if it is handled correctly from the start it can be a lot easier, but who said life was easy……………..Good Luck !
THANK YOU Brooke. This spoke to me on a personal level. It has made a decision of mine I need to make more clear xxx
It is a very important point for the good of everyone concerned, I am sure you will not have a problem in this area, if all is clear and you always support each otherxxxx