Today’s post has come about due to various emails I have recently received regarding divorce……and I think it is a topic worth going over when we decide to close the door………………..
On the surface, when we see people in this situation we tend to automatically think that they have had a few rough years, but at times they can also look better than ever, with a spring in their step and tell you “I have never been happier” once the shock and strain of the divorce has been dealt with, the finalization kicks in, and the divorce is finalised.
It can take some people a long time to get to this stage, many people struggle with it, but, it can be for many reasons and the sooner the person can identify the reason, the quicker the process of healing or just generally getting over it can take place. These reasons can range from pure heartbreak to shame… If we look at heartbreak, where you have loved unconditionally to find you have not had that love reciprocated or maybe worse still been betrayed while living under the same roof, we tend to go through a string of emotions and anger will be one of them ! You can’t avoid going through these stages, but you can help yourself by being true to yourself and your self worth right from the start, Do you really want to be with someone, who doe’s not love you or loves someone else? I think we all know the answer to this question, but are we brave enough to face or admit this ?
Are we emotionally strong enough ? The answer is, of course we are, if we have children, many people can do this for them, you focus on them and not yourself, you provide a safe passage for your children, through this storm. By placing your focus on them, your attention is re-directed from you, now if there are no children, you must focus on yourself, but not with pity, you do not need to be a victim, you need to focus on organizing your new life, in a good clear way, find clarity to avoid bad decisions, start to look for what you really want in your new life, this is your opportunity to create a new life, with new routines, to do things that maybe before,due to your circumstances, could not, do not look at this as all bad, turn it into all good wherever possible for you.You may have to move, and this in itself is a big job, that needs lots of focus, focus on what you need to make this change the right one for you and your family if this is the case, you may have to down size so you will need to organize a big clear out ! If you are not moving, make your home yours and again that of your children if that is the case, you have no need to look at anything that will only bring back memories if they are painful to you.
The time will come when the divorce is finalised and you will feel that everything is going to be amazing, you will be able to laugh about certain things, it was painful at the time and you know you can laugh about something and tease yourself about something, you are fine, and you will be fine. You feel like you have completed a mile Stone, and the following time will feel like a complete new chapter in your life. It’s a fresh start, for all of you,don’t ever have any regrets, any decisions you have made previously were based on your life at that time not now, now you move and evolve and change. Where children are concerned, at times no explanation is needed, children are very clever and adapt very quickly to new situations, it is a difficult period for all in this situation, and you protect your children from lots of things, if they want to talk let them, it is important, they feel they can express themselves and talk freely, the better the relationship with your x partner the better, for all concerned, children need to feel safe and secure and not in the middle of a battlefield, if you find this hard at the beginning, think and focus on them, not you, you will understand the situation better than them. Don’t ever be ashamed of what people will think, it is your life, not there’s, nobody looks for divorce, it happen’s, and can happen to anyone and if you know this is your case, not doing it, is worse than dealing with it, no excuse is good enough for you and your family to be unhappy. After the storm come’s the calm, be happy always.
Brooke Universal Life Coach