When you miss someone, whether through death or a break up in your relationship,the emotions and feelings are very similar,it is the end of one life and the beginning of another,the difference being that one is by choice (not always yours) and the another is permanent……..but in both cases you have to work through your emotions.
The inner grief gives a similar feeling,but, in every case you must remember that we are all individual`s and the effect this brings into our personal life is purely yours,every person is different. The 5 basic stages have to be worked through,Denial – We feel that the world has no meaning,what are we here for now? all these questions will go in and out of your mind, we are in shock and carry the feeling of being numb,we ask can I go on?,how do I go on?,why do I want to go on?, we try to deny the situation for as long as we can,little by little we work through this,sometimes we are aware of this and sometimes you are not,but finally we will cross into Anger – Why did this happen?,was it your fault?,could you have done more?,behaved differently you may be angry with yourself,or, you may be angry with friends,family the doctor,you can even be angry with the loved one you have lost,you will feel abandoned and deserted,you may even question your faith in God,when we are angry we will also want to find others to blame,this for a while will make you feel better,but, we all know that this is just passing the book and again you will slowly work through this stage and fall into Bargaining- You will have the urge to negociate your way out of this difficult time,you would do anything to turn the clock back,you will internally make promises of all kinds to make the situation right,again you may turn to your faith and promise God a thousand things if…………………….. you will again finally realise that this cannot happen and this could cause the Depression – This is grief on a far deeper level,but a very neccessary step,try to concentrate on the positive things in your life,although you may not see many if any at this moment,but keep searching because it is very important and will help you to get into the next stage of Acceptance – to think that everything is OK and that everything is all right,is not the way to acceptance, you have to see and learn to live your new life,it is important that you live in the now and not in the past,keep beautiful memories and visit them when you wish,but live in the now,you have to readjust to your new circumstances,you have to change,you have to change everything and set a new path.
It is sometimes impossible for us to think that we can work through these stages,but you can and we do,some with more difficulty than others,as I said before we are all individual’s and all different,for some it is easier,this has nothing to do with our power of love,this is not measured by anyone,we all feel in different ways and we must always be grateful for the abilities we have to feel emotions.
Brooke Universal Life Coach