I am having a strange day today, I lost my father nearly four years ago and I still at times find it hard to talk about him, I was having coffee today with friends , my mother was there, and the conversation went that way, I was talking and had to stop, as I could feel the emotion finding its way out, I apologised and asked them to change the subject, talk about something else, just carry on, it was unusual for me to feel this way in public, but we have good days and bad days, once I was back home, I was thinking about what had happened and the surprise on the faces of my company, is it so difficult for them to understand, he was also my father, who I loved and miss very much, everyday come rain or shine. I do feel very misunderstood in this way, but I think it could be due to my own behaviour, as it was a shock to all of us, my small family that is and close friends, I was instantly given the role of taking his place, (although I would never be able to do that) I mean it more in the sense of my mother, I have cared for her everyday since, we do not live together as we both decided that would probably not be a good long-term solution, and she was keen to keep her independence which is admirable, however it never gave me, I feel my time to adjust to the new circumstances, I never had and did not want to upset my mother, so I didn’t talk about it when around her. My sons and friends were very good, but they have their lives to live and obligations to fulfill. Although I say it myself, I just put on a brave face and wanted everyone to be fine within the circumstances, but it has made me realise that when these situations are upon us, we must also look after ourselves, the process of mourning someone, is long and hard, we all know about the stages of grief, and it is an important part and time, that needs to be worked through.
So, maybe the reason behind this unusual post for me today, is to let people know the importance of grieving our loved one’s, we will never forget them and I am sure a tear will occasionally fall, but we can gain strength each day, I know my father would want me to be happy when I think of him, and I try to see it that way, as hard as it may be, we should all see this, no one we have lost would want us to be unhappy, even when we think of them.
We all have different beliefs and feeling regarding what happens once we die, and if are loved one’s are around, I strongly believe in a form of life after death, I like to think, that my father see’s his family grow,through my boys, and little things that happen in our everyday life, they cannot make everything right for us, but I am sure it will not be for a want of trying, it is a comfort to me, to think he is with me, and that I can send him the odd little message. And I am sure he knows I love and miss him….<3
Brooke Universal Coach