Well, the other day I think I have opened a can of worms as they say, that it going to keep me busy for some time, The emails have poured in and I thank everyone for reading my Divorce post and then taking time to write to me about your personal concerns, I have set the mails into groups and today I would like to answer the above title ;-
Many of you seem concerned about family relationships falling apart due to internal and external problems coming between a family, I think the first thing that stands out to me, is the misunderstanding of family, our family grows as the family grows,but the initial family is the base and when we spread our wings and bring people into that circle, it is also a little bit part of the package, many see this as a competition and that is not the case, a family unit can accept new members, thats how families grow, but to grow strong everyone needs a time to adapt, in good and in bad times, life is not a fairy tale it is real, and real life traumas happen, not because we want it to, simply because we never know what is round the corner, and to overcome these obstacles it certainly helps if we all row the boat in the same direction. But, to do this there must be open communication, no story has one side, when brothers and sisters,mothers & fathers have a misunderstanding, it is normal that there partner will want to protect or simply be on that partners side, however, this influence can be very strong, because when you share a roof with someone who is not your original family at times, they can have undetected reasons to want this feud to continue, they see themselves as wonderful saviours, but they must understand that taking sides is not the solution, for many reasons, first of all, they do not know all the details, and if communication was flowing freely all parties would be able to speak without offense and criticism, and, maybe a different picture would be seen, you cannot make decisions and form opinions without this free-flowing conversation, it is basically very unfair and secondly basic family will always find away to reconnect even if many years pass, but the new addition to the family (even if years pass by) may never be forgiven the same and a bond of trust will never be seen. So why do people do this, to feel important, if they are simple maybe, or are they jealous of the existing bond, many people do not understand that bonds and family love have nothing to do with love between a couple. brothers,sisters,mothers & fathers is a love which is on a totally different level . These are people who have been in the life of the person in question their whole life, this can be a long time, and no matter what the difference may be they will always be brothers,sisters,mothers & fathers ! This may seem hard but partners can come and go, wives and husbands can be divorced and couples can part, this is a true fact, this does not mean that they are less thought of, but a family will have their dynamics and if they are communicating people, this should be respected, if a person wishes to be respected then they must respect others to achieve this. When people shut down and exclude others, they are showing their own insecurity, what are they afraid of………? In temper people may say or do things that they later regret, everyone can understand this action, but the ability to not say a very simple word “I’m sorry ” can also be seen as their true intent. Sadly there are people who truly do feel inferior to the family they are in, when this happens and they do not wish to communicate, their intention can be, just to split a family apart. This is like a hunter, just wishing to control their prey, obviously each family has its differences, and every situation is different and needs specialised answers to each case. However the basic reasons are generally all with the same base, this can be Jealousy,Inferiority complex, Control, Illusion of Superiority, Selfish by not coming from a close knit family with free flowing conversation. When you find yourself in a situation of this kind, try to keep calm and assess which and why is the basic reason, this way you will find it easier to resolve the conflict by knowing which way to operate to resolve the situation.